1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Ode to a Gardener
You endured in the blistering freezing snow storms Nothing allowed you to become a failure But in your new, macho red lawn mower You just decimated another Azalea
My perennials were the next to go Digging up my corn was another bad deed “Whoops, there goes my sacred Periwinkles” Mistaken for a common garden weed
You covered the carrots with your suffocating mulch The green peppers now look like potatoes The baby palms all drowned in the side gulch The worms survived, but not the Creole Tomatoes
The once proud lawn, contains few blades of grass The roses, refuse now to bloom My herb garden, earned a sacred Sunday Mass You raked the cucumbers, right to their doom
Despite your fault, you can trim my lawn Any old time of the day But when planting season comes around next Spring Take a vacation, please just stay away
