1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Ode to Your HMO #1
I always mailed my premiums on time They were never even an hour late The doctor you hired to screen the calls Acts like a bouncer at the barroom gate
“Your heart is pumping adequately Though the lining of your lungs is filthy black The kidney stones you have been carrying all month Don’t meet the criteria for an acute attack”
“The blister on your foot is considered too small A band aid is all that is required A small gauze pad is all the HMO can afford Comeback when amputation is desired”
“You are not out of touch, you’re not bleeding that much” His name was Professor Dr. Loonitz “Please let me know when you blood pressure is too low I’ll then transfuse you with at least, four units”
“I’m always on your side, but medications I can’t provide Your condition didn’t pass verification I must now confide, HMO rules we can’t override Unless your body is donated for experimentation”
At last I felt defeated, from the HMO being mistreated Though the HMO claimed they took good care of me At my funeral procession, I used an HMO lesson “Save money!” I was buried at sea!
