1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Ode to Air Rage
Here comes Summer, pick out an exotic resort It’s time for another Summertime vacation Purchased first-class tickets Departing Kennedy Airport Hawaii is my life-long destination
Wearing all smiles Counting those Frequent Flyer Miles I’ve spent my entire, hard earned monthly wage But my name has been enlisted I’ve been unconsciously assisted To participate, in a lethal game, of Air Rage
Ninety-five degrees and it is hot No parking space in the Kennedy parking lot Get rapid instructions in a language that is not discernible The next hour time really drags Trying to board three Samsonite loaded bags Now a ten minute race, to the departure airport terminal
The ticket manager has little to say “Your reserved seats have been given away We might detour you through the lovely airport in Atlanta” A lucky twist in this sad story An empty seat next to the lavatory Pop a Prozac and a needed sip of your Mylanta
The athletic stewardess with a grin Uses a crowbar to get your storage bag in Your 300 pound neighbor is not an example for sanitary fitness As the airplane’s tail zigs and zags You instantly reach for the barfing bags While your neighbor tries to convert you to Jehovah’s Witness
The plane has landed, pure elation Maybe I can start enjoying my damn vacation Another tedious hour for the plane to dis-embark Inside this airport, it’s more the same Two hours to sit for your missing baggage claim Again the industry, has stranded the passenger, in the dark
Finally you are starting to get annoyed Finding only one Samsonite bag and it’s all destroyed Air Rage continues, for another episode, when you land The flight ends, you are now in heaven The airlines soon, files under Chapter Eleven Get stranded for an hour now, at the Foreign Taxi Stand
As you get into your Hotel bed Of the return flight you start to dread Next time you better think twice, and think hard I will never never engage In another battle, of psychotic Air Rage I’ll be camping out, in my own home, safe backyard
