1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Sorry to Hear You are Attending Medical School
Sorry to hear you are attending medical school Those long nights studying muscles and bones Twelve years schooling, without a summer vacation Up to your ass, with excessive, student loans
Never complete a full meal, or view an entire Hollywood movie Get called to the Emergency Room where the patients are rude “My son, you delivered, wasn’t accepted at Harvard” The unhappy parent will assist you, getting sued
Order every test and procedure known to mankind “Defensive Medicine” is what our litigious society demands When the operation performed does not come out perfectly The patient’s chart will get scrutinized in legal hands
On airport billboards see frowning lawyers advertize “Call me toll free if you or a loved one gets sick” “If you know somebody who contracted Mesothelioma Call me up now, you need a fine acting, first class prick”
Learn to fight with your local insurance company The safety of the patient, sadly, no longer will do The insurance company cancelled your difficult cancer surgery “It’s pre-existing, since your patient once had the flu”
The future is certainly brighter You’re another anonymous health care provider Not a Dr. Marcus Welby, re-incarnation Obama’s reimbursement plan is fair “Come treat our stampede of Medicare” Obama gives you a clapping, standing ovation
The Feds offered you a poisoned apple So grab on to your sharpened scalpel A gastric bypass in Louisiana you will do Then go ahead and test your luck A three hundred pounder wants a “Tummy Tuck” Learn to wade through the Federal Coding, fondue
So sorry to hear you are attending medical school You will make your momma so proud Lawyers and Obama will prevent health care tort reform Graduate with a stethoscope, practicing under a black cloud
