1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Ode to Computer Hell
(Sing along to “Limbo Rock”)
A few thousand bucks is the right amount Go empty your waiting bank account You know what this vital task is for A pillage to your local computer store The salesman is polite and deceivingly quick He sells you every gimmick and latest trick There’s no way that you can tell You have just entered Computer Hell
The instruction booklet is gratuitous and free Pay three hundred for the warranty The computer boasts a million megahertz Without a Ph.D. it never works You’ll think your mush brain consists of rock For two hours you can’t get it out of the box You’re about to ring the drug store bell You’re starting to suffer in Computer Hell
No use worrying your aching head Call the toll-free number now instead Get a message as friendly as it can be Stay holding on line until eternity For an hour you’re patiently hangin’ on A recorded voice speaks and then it’s gone You’re falling under a computer spell Waiting for instructions in Computer Hell
An incoherent tech begins to speak Go on a computer trek, for at least a week He tries every in and out A software bug there is no doubt A supervisor confirms the diagnosis It’s Window’s Vista, a poor prognosis You’re now not feeling very well Blood pressure is rising in Computer Hell
Things not going according to plan A three hour “Chat” with Pakistan An Indian supervisor takes a turn Your ringing ears now start to burn Your nervous mind has been rung You’d love to rip out the tech’s tongue Staring at a broken computer, you must dwell While still lamenting in Computer Hell
The service man, one day he does arrive After a transplant the computer boots alive For days you’re nothing but cheery smiles Then you crash and lose all your files Am I drunk or is it just a dream? Is that laughter coming from the computer screen? An upgrade the company tries to sell You’ve been officially taken in Computer Hell
Then you press the button “Start” Get palpitations deep inside your heart It only takes a moment’s time To see the friendly Bill Gates Windows sign The right mouse button you dare to click See the current program freeze and fatally stick What’s those electrical fumes I smell? Could I be burning in Computer Hell?
You have pains from neck to pants Here comes the computer ambulance Of the diagnosis they are sure Computer stress you can’t endure The symptoms can no longer be ignored You’re strung out like a mother-board Your brain will quickly jell When you are released from Computer Hell
