1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Thank You for the Personal Injury Lawyers
Thank you for the personal injury lawyers So what if they possess no scruples? You will praise them when your whiplash comes And bless them when your settlement quadruples
They are as ubiquitous as the wind There is always one that you can afford “I’ll sue anybody while flashing a grin” Promises the attorney, on the airport billboard
“You’ve lost your left kidney, that is quite a shame With me your future will be very sunny Don’t accept any check by signing your name My firm will guarantees you, to make a lot more money”
“It doesn’t matter if you are right or wrong Call toll free as long as you are needy Learn all my lyrics to the plaintiff’s sob song The only requirement is to be extra greedy”
“Once the petition is written, the defendant is bitten With a lethal dose of potent legal blackmail Your opponent will be smitten, he’ll be purring like a kitten My intimidation, will surely not fail”
“I’m now on your side, join me for a financial ride The court system will provide you a good laugh So what if you lied, in me you can confide And of your new riches, I will grab only one half”
“So listen young laddie, come sue your own daddy! It is the proud and traditional American way A test of endurance, let’s hope they all have insurance Or find another deep pocket that can pay”
“It says in the constitution, you are entitled to restitution They must make you, once again whole Our firm has the solution, a touch of creative legal pollution And all you must do is to give up your soul”
“So I’m happy I saw ya, let me be your goniff lawyer I’m the obvious one that you must choose Your complex life I will fix, with my bag of legal tricks There’s no way in hell that I can lose”
“Use your own noodle, come coiffed like a French Poodle The sympathetic jury will then all start to cry Big bucks will come easy, you will be glad I am sleazy Our system does reward those who will lie”
So thank you for the personal injury lawyers Shakespeare compared them to the Bubonic Plague Justice must be done, finally I must get myself one The neighbor’s dog, just bit me on the right leg
