1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Ode to a Lifeguard
On a hot Summer’s day in July I am glad you are around Talking to the sexy girls in skimpy bikinis While letting the old ladies drown
Listening to the New York Yanks Delicately putting zinc oxide on your nose Reading Sports Illustrated on your golden throne Oblivious while the high tide steadily rose
Today was “Shark Infested Water” Sadly missing the message, you didn’t even have as hunch At high noon it was your scheduled break time Both you, and the shark, were having lunch
While napping you missed the extensive lightening You missed the array of intensive lightening bolts You allowed the vacationers to keep swimming As they got zapped by a few thousand ocean volts
Although I feel secure, seeing you in your lifeguard chair A loud whistle will keep me out of danger But next time in the water and I’m unable to swim Get on the phone, and please call the Lone Ranger
