1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Ode to the Fast Food Addict
It’s the arches! I can see’em! No time for baseball or the museum Smell for miles, the stench of fries - in oil as they cook It’s the time, it’s the prediction Another fulminating, fast-food addiction My physician does not like the way, that I now look
The golden yellow of the fries Match the golden yellow of my eyes Could it be another sign of Hepatitis? Try the special breakfast ham Here’s to another McFat gram I use the drive-in with my circulatory deep phlebitis
One slap-Happy meal before I die Become close friends with Mr. E. Coli Wouldn’t think twice about some Fettuccini Alfredo The enchiladas we can share The taco shell with its long brown hair It’s amazing what preservatives can do, to a potato
Fast food is fun to swallow The obligatory Cat Scan is sure to follow The burgers all get cooked to fast-food perfection Your stomach has been trained as lawnmower Your esophagus transformed into a flamethrower The carcinogens still have eluded FDA detection
Hear the Board member’s intuition “Let’s control all their nutrition Then dazzle them with a clever advertisement! We’ll deliver and we’ll cater It won’t be until eighty pounds too much later They’ll know that their liver has gone, supersizement”
Join the elite, a fast-food honorary Eat yourself to a fast-food coronary It is the Emergency Room, that awaits you, there is no doubt In the hospital for your disorder With a telephone place a fast-food order The staff, has been trained, to diligently treat you for the gout
The Board Members are always singin’ as long as the cash register keeps on ringin’ It’s time to create a new catchy fast-food jingle “Sip on your shake with a funnel Get diagnosed later with Carpel-Tunnel” There are many in the clinic with you to mingle
As the grilled burger sits on the plate The chemical additives precipitate Let’s guess what mystery meat resides between the bun Order your breakfast buttered roll Why bring down your elevated cholesterol? Guessing what part of the chicken you’re eating, is the fun
No time for exercisin’ The new recipe , “Who let the flies in?” My thighs look like the trunks of redwood trees I look fine, I look dapper I have just enough strength to remove the wrapper It’s been years, and I long, to see my knees
It’s a sad and irreversible condition When you’re hooked to a fast-food addiction You look hungry, you are late, and you are hurried There’s a brand new fast-food sign up Come and join the fast-food line-up There is a fast-food cemetery for you to be quickly buried
