1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Ode to the Animal Rights Activist
(How Much is That Doggie in the Window?)
How much is that doggie in the window? The one with the electrode on its tail? How much is that doggie in the window? How much will he cost on re-sale?
The world is unsafe, it’s full of toxins Clogs the body’s arteries and causes little sores Let’s test the entire liter for these new Amoxins Then we will inject them once more in their paws
It’s bitter cold outside, I’m starting to shiver There’s snow on the ground, I begin to note The frost in the air makes my hair whither Let’s skin those nice doggies for a fur coat
We live in the age of global warming It makes me so mad that I seethe It results in mutant bees that are swarming Let’s see how long these doggies can breathe
A Poodle we can test for Tuberculosis A Boxer we can test for the flu A Beagle is a good candidate for halitosis With a Chihuahua there’s not much you can do
In electricity, I must confess, I’m a firm believer We must first wait for these doggies to molt Then all we need, is a cute Golden Retriever And shock him with about five thousand pure volts
One day the world will be safe, for little doggies Safer laws, will be passed, I can foresee Until then, anything goes, for little doggies So let’s experiment on them and not me
How much is that doggie in the window? The one with the electrode on its tail How much is that doggie in the window I do hope the owner’s in jail
