1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Ode to the Television Repair Man
I know your schedule is busy I can sympathize being five hours late You labored for three hours on my set But I still can’t find elusive channel eight
There’s more snow than in Minnesota Winter blizzards constantly appear on my screen I’d love to relocate my loving television set To an entertainment center, in a treacherous ravine
When it rained the past week You blamed it on the water During my exciting Super Bowl Party It caused everybody to miss the fourth quarter
When the pixels started dropping You blamed it on a cloud When the audio became silent I was accused of playing it too loud
You recommended I purchased a new Sony I went out and bought the latest edition The blur that gobbled up my screen You considered that to be High Definition
When I lost HBO You blamed it on the outside heavy traffic As the colors fused while watching the news You accused me of viewing something pornographic
When the circuit board ultimately became shot The diagnosis was that I didn’t use a coaster The vertical not being able to be adjusted Was from someone, inappropriately , using the toaster
You encourage me to buy, an expensive H.D.M.I. I studied your credentials, and I know you are able The satellite dish on my roof didn’t work And neither did your fifty foot cable
Finally in rage, I ripped the television from the wall Destroying with it, the imported oak wood panels Fondly do I recall, the days of my youth Days of Rabbit Ears, and classic thirteen viewable channels
