1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Thank You for the Bigmart Store
Thank you for the Bigmart store , our culture is truly richa’ Find a T-shirt from Taiwan here, I’m sure that it won’t fit ya Save up valuable vacation days, find spare time in hand Visit the local Bigmart store, my private Disneyland
Bigmart stores today, represent the modern trend Suffocate for hours, on return lines that never end Beautiful pine trees, sadly, got in progress’s way Replaced by a Bigmart sign saying, “Big Sale Today!”
10% off on imported, Asian underwear Need extra large?, Go out and buy an extra pair Bigmart is not just a simple, fleeting passing fad Wear Bigmart slippers, the Koreans will be glad
Wear cool studs and look, dapper, trim and proper Hold your head up high, yer now a Bigmart shopper Be an avid subscriber to the “Bigmart News” “Today is Sunday, I’m gonna put me on me Bigmart shoes”
The Bigmart “Greeter” comes to ingratiate A tour of American Society is about to initiate A walk down the aisle, see freaks daily Have more fun than at Barnum & Bailey
On aisle six, come join an AA meeting Around the corner, see a tattooed maiden breastfeeding See Charles Manson, a real dead ringer Bigmart is one audition, for the Show of Jerry Springer
Fake Pakistan Persian Rugs or a freezer that won’t freeze Collect more coffee mugs from the laughing Chinese Gifts for the holidays, shoppers bound to make a fuss Everybody in the world now makes em’, everybody but us
Inferior merchandise, handed down from another latitude Elevates the Federal deficit, from a surplus of ineptitude Imports constantly pour, all over our border We can’t even make, our own drinking water
Bigmarts are considered a community blight But they pack em in early, and they’re opened all night Bigmarts still a national rage Though their workers never get past the minimal wage
Opened on Christmas and Christmas Eve A true Bigmart fan just never wants to leave A Bigmart stroll, the excitement will never taper Especially coupon clipping from the local Sunday paper
Save up for an X-Box or an imported Play Station Grab on to the joystick, of this sad debtor nation Baseball fun, an American July Fourth plan Wave your flag, that was made in Japan
Christmas time in Bigmart, fancy presents to buy See latest sordid treasures, from the sweatshops in Shanghai Gifts for Grandma, don’t forget your favorite care giver Impress them with crap, floated down from the Yangtze River
CEO is clapping, Bigmart stock on the rise The Chinese are bowing, with Yankee dollars in their eyes “God Bless the Yuen”, Federal Banks always in the red Joke’s on the Bigmart shopper, “Tax em’ till they are dead”
Mexican Pink Flamingos, decorate your own front yard You can charge them altogether, on your Bigmart card Buy beer and chips, add to the size of your pants Then pay it all off, with your entitled, government food stamps
“Bigmart Health Cola”, I think I will drink it Stare at the display, made of worthless foreign trinkets On the checkout line read the latest Hollywood sin Then schmooze with the cashier with the toothless grin
Shopping now concluded in the Bigmart store Adventure sure to follow, exit the Bigmart door The “Greeter” says politely, “Come back, forget me not” See you ripped off new car bumper, in the Bigmart parking lot
It’s been a Bigmart day, now I have to stop It’s mentally exhausting, but it’s my only way to shop I need a tank of oxygen, it’s hard for me to speak Must save some cash, I’ll be back to Bigmart next week
