1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Thank You for Lorena Bobbit
Thank you for Lorena Bobbit It’s not a statement of derision She helped expand technology An alternative to circumcision
Lorena reminds us of our glorious past Robes Pierre with a slight hint of Venus Michael Angelo painting the Cystine Wall A master artist, re-sculpturing a penis
We must expand the PDR Contraception has improved yet still Another method of birth control A variation of the “Morning After Pill”
Don’t worry about having twins anymore Don’t worry about a Cesarean Section The only thing to worry about Don’t be in her presence with a firm erection
If you have the misfortune of irritating her Call the police as well as the army All she needs is her Swiss pocket knife She’ll shorten you up, like a Kosher salami
She’s quick. She’s cool, a female James Bond Who bares a sword with deft precision Your only vital, anatomical part Will disappear, like nuclear fission
She’s in demand, a modern heroine Abused women, please do apply Men, keep your jeans always tightly zippered Or see your dick travel, like an infield pop fly
Wise men take heed, be attentive to your wife’s every need Don’t ever become a home wrecker If tempted think twice, hang on to my sound advice And hang on to your dear sacred pecker
So thank you for Lorena Bobbit Beware of the guillotine she is keeping Greet her at all times with sincere respect And have one eye open, when you are sleeping
