1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
MEMBER LOGIN
Sorry to Hear Your Name Was On the No Fly Files
Sorry to hear your name is on the “No Fly” Files They’re taking away your Frequent Flyer Miles Your face is on the Airport Security News Your toothpaste confiscated Your Grandma interrogated At least, you are no longer made, to take off your shoes
Your English was poorly spoken The airport security had been broken The airport now drags you out the revolving door Racial profiling we’ll save for later But right now you look like Al Qaeda You’re moustache will not be welcomed, here no more
Even the German Sheppard here is noddin’ You appear as a relative of Osama Bin Laden Nobody here can pronounce your first and scary last name You might be a professor of Economics But your dress code belongs in the comics There’s absolutely no way, you’re getting a seat, on our plane
One day again, you will laugh But first you must pass our polygraph “Where are the explosives that we know, that you are hidin’ ?” With that scarf around your neck You won’t get past our baggage check Until then, there is no plane, you will be a flyin’
It’s not exactly what you had thought Please don’t look now so distraught There is someone here to give you a helping hand Take a ride in our Suburban But first please take off that white old turban Your ass is going, right straight back, to Iran
Security is nothing at all to scoff Without you now , the plane is taking off We are cancelling all of your first class reservations Your claimed address is all a joke Your fake passport will be revoked Get to chat, with your diplomats, at the United Nations
Sorry to hear your name is on the “No Fly” Files We want our passenger wearing smiles This is the charter of which all airlines have been founded There will be no evidence of despair With no terrorists in the air Until then, all our planes, have been grounded
