1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Ode to Talk Radio
Crawling down the monotonous highway Three tortuous hours yet to go Feeling like Davy Crockett today Contemplating another day at the Alamo
My drooping eyes won’t let me see “How will I reach my destination?” Vocal stimulation is what I need “How about some immediate intellectual conversation?”
“Talk Radio, I need your help” After years of resisting I did it There he was pompously polluting the air Screaming a mile a minute
“We have been held hostage for seven long years The Liberals have plenty at stake I’ll tell you why in a second my friends” And went on to a commercial station break
“Liberal are nasty, unlike President Ronald Reagen My hero, who puts one at ease All healthy Conservatives, like you and me Order their burgers, covered with cheese”
He degraded Mr. Bill Clinton, the Liberal President For the major part of the morning Then finished his show, mutilating Al Gore For his theory, on thermal global warming
“Thank you for listening, together we are strong Tomorrow, we’ll kick Liberal butts” I opened the door on the side of the road And proceeded to empty my guts
An hour still of traveling, my ears are abused My hearing will no longer persist Then onto the air, came a New York whiny kvetch An obnoxious, self-righteous, psychologist
Every word was laced with stinging sarcasm Hypocrisy, exuded form her mouth I must respect the Ph.D she claimed Earned from the honorable, University of Bell South
“Be your kid’s mom”, she cleverly advised To the sexually active adolescent “Throw your old grandma, out the front door” Was her valuable, moral life lesson
“Your sister is a perfect slut Don’t let her stand for a minute in your wedding” Dial Talk Radio, need free advise? Get a lethal dose, of pseudo-professional, verbal meddling
There’s Uncle Fred, the trip is complete I survived and achieved my lofty goals I clicked off the radio, then a quick hug and kiss And gulped down a bag full of Tylenols
I’m going to utilize, on my return trip An alternative, soothing, driving tonic Talk Radio for me is a thing of the past I’m driving along, to the New York Philharmonic
