1-Thank you for Miss Manners
2-Ode to the Misery Channel
3-Sorry to hear you got caught hiking in Iran
4-Sorry to hear you were wiped out by a Drone
5-Thank you for Mein Summer Kamph
6-Ode to the Mexican restuarant
7-Thank you for the Big Mart store
8-Sorry to hear there won’t be an NBA season
9-Thank you for the Arab Spring
10-Sorry to hear you received a Whackocard
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Thank You for the Personals
Thank you for the personal section My Vassar education classifies me as first rate At five foot eleven, I’m a perfect selection I am desperately looking for the right soul-mate
With my big blue eyes and executive look I would anywhere be considered a fine catch Send me a photo with your latest bank book I think you might have yourself, a good match
If you decide to take a chance I want to see a picture of you in tight pants If you are applying for a little romance I’m for real, and not instilled, with any implants
I love the Yanks and walking in the rain Your shirts I would love to iron I’ll earn your thanks, I am no Plain Jane I sip cappuccino while reciting from Byron
Give me a call and take a leisurely ride My mansion is located in Westchester I want to get re-married, it’s my third I must confide My second was a convicted, child molester
Please answer my ad, my estrogen is down a tad I’m beginning to feel like a lost cause I’m getting despondent, consider being a respondent Apply, before I do start, the menopause
If kinky sports is in the application I’m willing to learn what pleases Before I attempt your complete satisfaction Submit a list, of your previous sexual diseases
With all the lonely people in this universe Give the Personals your best and most sensual lines Explain in steamy lyrics or any type of verse “Everybody, Loves Somebody Sometimes”
